MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE LANGUAGE

• We need = I want
• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
• We need to talk = I need to complain
• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
• You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
• I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
• Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
• Yes = No
• No = No
• Maybe = No
• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?