Men in Charge of Weddings

• There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless Love" and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony Mony."
  
  
• There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" Party.
  
  
• The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
  
  
• There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
  
  
• Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear, The Burgandy or the Wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.
  
  
• Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.
  
  
• Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
  
  
• The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her ass.
  
  
• Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors..
  
  
• June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
  
  
• Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.
  
  
• Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.
  
  
• Big slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
  
  
• Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.
  
  
• Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
  
  
• Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up.
  
  
• Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
  
  
• No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.
  
  
• The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something.
  
  
• Invitations would read as follow... Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain... He's getting married. He either: A)knocked her up
  B)couldn't get a different roommate or
  C)caved in to her ultimatum..
  
  
• Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium on the 50 Yard Line At Half-time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game for beer, nachos and pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B..